I think I've discovered a paradox.
When you are young, you have so much to say about how things are done in the world around-- except no one listens and you don't have anywhere that you can speak your piece. The message is pretty much, "No one cares what you think, so shut up."
Then, you finally get to the point where you have a platform to express yourself (a web page, rock band, paintings, whatever) and suddenly, you discover that you seem to have lost the ability to say anything worthwhile.
I'm sitting here in front of my computer, going over all the inane and stupid ideas I had for blog entries-- like how unreliable my Windows Handheld PC is versus how reliable my Nokia cell phone is, or how my 30 day trial of Filemaker Pro is going. The truth, though, is no one cares. Heck, *I* don't even care, and I'm the guy writing it!
There's got to be something worthwhile and meaningful to write about, think about, live your life about, but it's like there's just so much bullshit in our daily lives that it becomes impossible to keep your eyes and mind focused on what is important. Maybe I'd feel differently if I had children? It's an interesting thought experiment, I guess, but the simple reality is I don't have children and unless there's a sudden and drastic change in my life, it's not too likely to change.
When I was in college, a group of my friends got in a ridiculously overblown pissing contest about a production of Rosencrantz & Guildenstern are Dead. That same semester, in a totally unrelated set of events, two fellow students decided to take their own lives. I know that seems like a weird, random thing to mention, and it is-- but at the time, it seemed very important to me to tell people that they were being impossibly stupid about a damn theatre production when people around them were feeling urges to end their very lives. Of course, I had no venue to express this, and no one would have cared or listened if I had.
Now, almost two decades later, I have a web site that receives visitors (albeit in a paltry number) from foreign countries . . . and I can't find a single thing I feel is worth saying.
Please tell me that isn't completely messed up.