(for those of you expecting a technological post on social networking as a metric of accurate merit, this ain't it.)
I must be in some bizarre contemplative mood this morning. I could go for the easy joke about Dita Von Teese being single again, and learning that I'm the same age as Marilyn Manson-- but instead, I find myself contemplating some bizarre human inter-relationship phenomenon that I can only call "Friend of a Friend."
Let's say you actually read this entire blog. You would wind up with a series of inferences, some of them right and some of them wrong. The point is, the inferences you walk away with are never going to be as complete and accurate as knowing me in real life. This is obvious, right? I mean, I'm not revealing any great mystery or surprise here by saying that. People manage their disclosures online to be more like the way they want to be perceived.
All right-- let's change the script a little bit by replacing "read this entire blog" with "hear stories about me from one of your friends." Over time, as you hear these different stories, you begin to build a series of inferences about me. Some of these inferences might be spot on, while others might be erroneous. Why would some be erroneous?
Because people are like prisms-- when they tell stories about something they've witnessed or experienced, they filter and bend the reality according to their worldview. I'm not even talking about "spin doctoring" or any of that cynical nonsense now, I'm talking about frames of reference. Ask a teenager to define what old is, and they might say "over 35 . . . "; ask someone who's 36 what their concept of old is, and they might say "over 50 . . ."; ask a 51 year old if they feel old, and they might ask you to arm wrestle. ;)
When people tell stories, they include the parts they think are interesting, or that drive home the point they want to make. They rarely tell the story in its entirety, and who can blame them? That would take too long and who has that kind of memory and attention to detail anyway?
But, wait-- there's more! ;)
I control my own information in my blog. I can choose what to post, or not to post, I can spell check my words so I look more literate/educated, I can go back and fix "bad" posts or remove them entirely. The resulting impression you get of me is directly related to the skill and care I put into cultivating my public persona.
We enjoy no such luxuries when our friends tell stories about us. They can choose to tell the private stories about us that we wouldn't tell ourselves (Thanks, C!) or not to tell stories that contradict how they like to think of us. The delta between reality and the stories told tends to be even greater.
It's sort of like when the public mistakes the actor in a television show for the character that he or she portrays, and then are all disappointed when reality shows they are nowhere near as ideal/cool/sexy/intelligent in real life.